This question was asked of me from a woman in my church. And I told her that was a great question. And if you want to know more about abuse and how to step out of its evil trap, sign up here to stay in touch. Read more of my story and other womens
Or purchase my books and begin to learn how to shift your life to live. You will read snippets of my story as I lived in mental, emotional, and financial abuse for over 25 years. Enable Me, Lord, to Shift, book #1
To address her question. Girlfriend help!
- Recognize that your friend might not even know she’s in abuse. I didn’t know the name of it until 22 years into the marriage. My heart had already been shredded and yes, I knew there were issues. Abuse is mind blowing, deceptive, confusing, and chaotic!
If you have never ever lived in abuse, you will not get it, or understand how destructive it is.
I was living in a foreign territory within the marriage of abuse and it grew in size of control as the children aged and then others entered our home to stay. I knew of NO one that lived in such a mixed up mess. However, because of manipulation, guilt, second guessing, and doubt casting your friend may be at a loss. And she may think, if I cannot figure this out, then how in the world can I explain it to someone else?
Abuse is all about power and control over a person.
It’s like your brain has been hijacked by someone you once trusted, it’s a horrific act of betrayal.
- So begin with prayer and pray for her.
- Just so you know, you cannot change her.
- Ask her simple questions or statements to draw her out. Start with questions on the outside of her life and go inward carefully. Ask something like, “What will you do for the holidays? What do you like to do by yourself?” Draw her out. And then go in deeper. “Jack and I disagree on this topic and we are working through it. So how about you two, how do you handle disagreements?” BIG question there.
- Watch her body posture.
- Does she have money?
- Does he call or text her if she is out, can she be out alone?
- Also, your friend may be trapped by what she can and cannot say. She may have her cell monitored. She may be threatened before she leaves the house, that you better not, or should, or you better do this and not say this. I was told, “Now, we do not gossip.” I was always puzzled by that, and said, “I do not gossip.” But, it was his way of manipulating me to keep my mouth shut. Like a muzzle. Another one that men and women use is the word of GOD. They may quote a verse and that may be the only time you ever hear that person use the WORD of God and it is against you, to manipulate you, to scare you into their control, and for you to cower and submit.
- Your friend has to want help. I hope these help you understand your friend.