How do I not react with anger?
I prayed and asked God this question, “Why am I so angry, and please help me not be so angry and may I learn to address it and change.” That was about 20 years ago. And He led me to this truth, “For a man’s anger does not bring about the righteousness of God” (James 1:20 NASB).
So how do I not react with anger?
How do I change?
Anger is like a coin.
It has two sides. One side is a righteous anger. The other side is a destructive anger.
Jesus exemplified righteous anger in the temple with the money chargers.
And the destructive anger is what Paul and James warn about and the topic of this BLOG.
- “ Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity” (Ephesians 4:26-27 NASB).
- “For a man’s anger does not bring about the righteousness of God” (James 1:20 NASB).
- “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. All bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice” (Ephesians 4:30-31 NASB).
I flipped the anger coin over and over.
I did have righteous anger because of the harm done in an abusive marriage. However, there were several years in my life where destructive anger took a foothold. Passivity was my chosen way to appease my then husband. Yet, the abuse grew and I swung the other way to try and get his attention. Hurtful words. Loud. Frustrated. Anger climbed and piled high like the Colorado Rocky Mountain range. Neither method worked, nor is it healthy, the passive aggressive way and/or aggressive.
Anger became a stronghold in my life. And strongholds are enforced by lies and set up by the enemy.
One of my lies was, I cannot change. I asked God to break my heart in this area. I wanted to learn to be in control of how I responded, as I saw hurt in one of my daughter’s eyes.
How do I not react in and with anger?
- I prayed for Godly sorrow. “For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death” ( 2 Corinthians 7:10 NASB). We as believers desire a heart change. If we keep excusing sin away by saying and hearing I am sorry, and I am sorry again. There will never be change. That is worldly sin and not repentance.
2. God led me to deep sorrow. I bowed my heart, repented, unlearned old ways and relearned to confront. And the first step to deal with mounting frustration is to learn to close your mouth, listen and pray. It’s totally opposite of shooting off words to wound. As you pray ask God to show you why this rubs you inside.
3. Listen. Lean into the Holy Spirit and learn.
What I learned during this transformation was life changing. I applied “… speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him…” (Ephesians 4:15 NASB) and then God showed me a gold nugget about myself. He exposed to me my coaching skill of asking questions to drill down to root issues in women’s lives.
Scripture is clear. “For a man’s anger does not bring about the righteousness of God” (James 1:20 NASB). And this one verse brought me to my knees to desire change.
I highly recommend Dr. Les Carter’s book, The Anger Trap, Free Yourself From the Frustrations That Sabotage Your Life. I have coached WITH THIS BOOK and taught a large women’s class using this book.
Now what about you?
What is it you want?
Do you have anger issues?
Do you want to learn to talk in a healthy way and have peace after a tough talk?
- Write out what you need to address with anger and/ or to learn to confront.
- Name how you want to respond.
- Hire me to coach you to change and respond and not react and be free to become more YOU!
God will want you to address your life purpose anger free Purchase for emotional wellness!~
#DarleneLarson #ANGERfree #LIVELIFE #Author #KEYNOTEspeaker #LeadingYouthroughthevalley #COVERTABUSE
