Is your red bow shredded?
Imagine, a pretty silver package with a nice big red bow on top. That is how I wanted to do my life! A red bow for each situation and wrapped up pretty and safe and well. Very unrealistic I was! The truth was, not too long into my marriage of 27 years I saw BIG issues arise. Yes, that is normal in marriage. BUT, what I saw, felt, and witnessed was not healthy. I knew of no one, that lived in anything like I did.
My ideas and my words were tossed aside. His way or no way. It was the most painful thing to be ignored day in and day out and not to be listened to for the most part, for over 25 years.
Not only was my red bow shredded, but so was my heart.
Years ago, at the tail end of that marriage, I attended an extensive week long training called, Surviving Abuse Leadership Training Seminar or (SALTS), and my group therapy team exhorted me to let go of the red bows you try to put on your life. I wept buckets, again.
My red bow of my life was shredded.
Is your red bow shredded?
I am uncertain, as to the exact time in my life that I desired that all goes “just right, well, or perfect.”
Was it from reading Goldilocks, Cinderella, or other stories from the Little Golden Arch book series? Or perhaps, it was being third born or living a simple safe life on a family farm in the 60’s and 70’s? Or maybe it was a twist of niceness, being naïve, and words I chose to attach to myself for validation, such as, all, perfect, well, and just right.
Often I hear women say, “Not good enough.” Whose standards are they trying to attain? And really, what is enough?
We live in a fallen world with fallen people and sin is everywhere. Our soul has a hole that can only be filled by our Creator. He desired a perfect relationship with us, a relationship without sin. That was His perfect plan but, sin entered in with Adam and Eve and all fell apart and splintered our souls. Only Jesus can fill the hole and He is the way and the answer and read more of my blogs if you don’t understand that or email me. Email Perfectionism is a lie and a false trap.
Let me ask you, are you striving to arrive, to attain?
If you are striving to achieve perfectionism it will not happen. I know so. I was addicted to it. Perfectionism sets one up for a never ending high hurdle jump that only causes the bars to be lifted higher and higher and higher until… something gives.
During abuse leadership training I was challenged to let my red-bow-mentality go, all is not perfect or complete. Let it be snipped, unraveled, cut apart. So when I returned home from such intense training, I eventually wandered into a store. I purchased one BIG red bow. It hung in my office. It was pretty, precise, and had order with all the points and exactness. Bows decorate tops off a package to completion, right? It finishes off a present and looks smart, sassy, sharp, and finished!
The day came.
I took my scissors. Snipped. I cut here and there as I named the ragged edges with pain and grief that had occurred. I spoke. Anger. Hatred. Betrayal. Manipulated. Deceived. Used. Violated. Abused. I had been sucked up and out to die and discarded. Homeless. Bankrupt. I snipped some more. I wrote. I wept. I prayed. I snipped again. Bitterness. Jealousy. Envy. Criticalness. Bondage. PRIDE. Self-righteousness. People Pleasing. Brokenness. Forgiveness. Surrender. Let go, let God.
And so I did, and so I go, and I am so thankful, that now I can partner with women and coach them to letting go of their red bows.
How about you, do you have any red bows that need snipping?
Do you long to make something with your shredded red bow of life? If so, let’s connect. Book a time!
