“What is covert abuse?” a woman asked.
I am taking time to address this in a blog post, as in the month of December domestic violence can increase by 20%.
So what is covert abuse?
First, let me share what abuse is. We hear this word spoken flippantly these days. And if you’ve never been abused, be thankful. It’s a word that should not be used lightly. It is a killer.
True abuse is when a person is whittled down through power and control by another person or a group of people over a consistent period of time. This can be sexual, emotional, mental, financial, spiritual, and or physical abuse.
The main ingredient in abuse is toxicity. Picture someone pouring liquid toilet bowl cleaner all over you and it sticks to you, like hundreds of poison-post-it-notes. A toxic person is full of poison. They vomit it all over you and on you to STOP you.
Abusers hold the title of entitlement.
An abusive person is destructive and dangerous. However, they are chameleon like. They can turn on flattery quicker than a dime and saddle up to you faster than you know, only to take from you. Be wise, as this is growing in our world and abusers do sit in church pews too. Be very wise.
Heighten the TRUTH in your life!
I was not raised in abuse. I was living in foreign war territory when I knew things were way off and weird in my marriage of abuse. Even so, that in year 10, I wondered, who is this guy? Really, who is he? And my first daughter was two by then. And the poison was slowly seeping into my heart by his actions, words, tone, and looks, to cause me to begin to doubt my every action, my every word, and eventually the worth of my own existence.
Covert means, sly, sneaky, hidden, undercover, and private. And the abuse that was used on me was only for those behind our front door to see and on a few occasions closer family members grasped his ways.
I recall standing in our large open foyer at the House on the Hill sensing a crime scene was occurring in our home. Now there was no blood or weapons, yet my heart was bleeding internally. Praying to die, my heart physically hurt. Often back then I wondered what an x-ray would’ve revealed of my heart.
The abuse heightened as my children aged.
Covert abuse looked like this, when I returned home with my littles and anyone else, all were greeted, hugged, affirmed, and greeted by their father. Everyone received hugs and hellos, but one.
To not be acknowledged or greeted with such warmth and love was piercing. I just did not get what was wrong with me, not to be acknowledged by my then husband in my own home.
So what did I do in my life when I was ignored? What could I do? Yes, I did speak about the issue, but it was always turned back on me. That is also part of toxicity. YOU are to BLAME!
So, I opened my Bible and I owned the Truth, I see you, Darlene. Genesis 16:13 “You are a God of seeing,” (ESV). I chose to drive that one verse of TRUTH to the end of my toes and owned it.
That is why I wrote and write the Enable Me, Lord, to Shift books the way I do. One verse a day and you must apply the verse to change your life. Click on the link and receive my first book free and click on the second link to purchase any of the four books that are published.
Enable Me, Lord, to Shift, book #1
Are you experiencing abuse? What is one step you can do to get help and talk to someone? What is it you can do, for you?
